Royal Tenenbaum

• I’m not talking about dance lessons. I’m talking about putting a brick through the other guy’s windshield. I’m talking about taking it out and chopping it up.

• He looks pretty good for a suicide. Attempted, anyway.

• Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.

• You heard me, Coltrane.

Eli Cash

• Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone’s not a genius? Do you especially think I’m not a genius?

[Pause]
You didn’t even have to think about it, did you?

• Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is… maybe he didn’t?

• Wildcat was written in kind of an obsolete vernacular. Wildcat …pkow. Okay, I’m gonna go now.

• You’re in love with Richie. Which is sick. And gross.

Others

• Pagoda: He got the cancer.

• Royal O’Reilly Tenenbaum (1932-2001) Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Wreckage Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship

• Royal’s Epitaph

Dialogue

:Eli Cash: I’m not in love with you any more.
:Margot: I didn’t think you ever were.
:Eli Cash: Let’s not make this harder than it already is.
:Margot: OK.
:Eli Cash: OK what?
:Margot: OK, I’m not in love with you any more either.
:Eli Cash: I know. You’re in love with Richie, which is sick and gross.
:Margot: Do you send my mother your clippings? And your grades in —
:Eli Cash: Please stop belittling me. You never gave me the time of day until I started getting good reviews.
:Margot: The reviews aren’t that good.
:Eli Cash: But the sales are.
:Eli Cash: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
:Royal: Me too, me too.
:[Chas Tenenbaum and his sons enter his mother's house with several bags]
:Ethel: Chas? What’s going on?
:Chas: We got locked out of our apartment.
:Ethel: Well, did you call a locksmith?
:Chas: Uh-huh.
:Ethel: Well, I don’t understand. Did you pack your bags BEFORE you got locked out?
:Chas: It’s not safe there.
:Ethel: What are you talking about?
:Chas: The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed.
:Ethel: But there are no sprinklers here either.
:Chas: We might have to do something about that too.
:Richie Tenenbaum: Read it back to me so far, Pietro.
:Radio Operator: Dear Eli, I’m in the middle of the ocean, I haven’t left my room in four days, I’ve never been more lonely in my life and I think I’m in love with Margot.
:Richie Tenenbaum: New paragraph.
:Eli: I wish you’d've done this for me when I was a kid.
:Richie: But you didn’t have a drug problem then.
:Eli: Yeah, but it still would’ve meant a lot to me.
:Royal: I’m dying, baby. I’m sick as a dog. I’ll be dead in six weeks. I’m dying.
:Ethel: What are you talking about? What happened? Oh, my God. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. What’d they say? What’s the prognosis?
:Royal: Take it easy, Ethel. Hold on. Hold on.
:Ethel: Where’s the doctor? Let’s get –
:Royal: Wait a second. Listen. I’m not dying. But I need some time. A month. Maybe two. I want us to –
:Ethel: What’s wrong with you?
:Royal: Ethel.
:Ethel: Go away!
:Royal: Baby. I am dying.
:Ethel: Are you or aren’t you?
:Royal: Dying? Yes.
:Royal: Look, I know I’m gonna be the bad guy on this one. But I just wanna say the last six days have been the best six days of probably my whole life.
:Narrator: Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.
:Richie: Did you just say you’re on mescaline?
:Eli: I did indeed. Very much so.

Taglines

• Family isn’t a word. It’s a sentence.

• You are invited to a remarkable family gathering.

Cast

• Gene Hackman – Royal Tenenbaum

• Anjelica Huston – Etheline Tenenbaum

• Gwyneth Paltrow – Margot Tenenbaum

• Luke Wilson – Richie Tenenbaum

• Ben Stiller – Chas Tenenbaum

• Owen Wilson – Eli Cash

• Bill Murray – Raleigh St. Clair

• Danny Glover – Henry Sherman

• Alec Baldwin – Narrator

Source: Wikiquote