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Super Troopers quotes

Mac

  • YOU BOYS LIKE MEX-E-CO?!?! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

  • (Cross-eyed and with slight lisp) Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you? Is that why you treat us with such disrespect?

  • GOOD ENOUGH TO FUCK YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!

  • You’re gonna feel a little pinch

  • One… Two… Three… Do It!

  • Evil Shenanigans (in high squeaky voice with hand motions)

  • Don’t forget to cup the balls.

  • And that was the second time I got crabs.

Farva

  • I guess that’s it for the old locker. She stinks like ass but I’ll still miss her. I guess you could say that about all my girls.

  • How’s it going Denim Dan? You look like the president, chairman, and CEO of Levi Straus. Hey where’d you get the Canadian tuxedo?

  • License and registration … CHICKEN FUCKER! BAGAWKKKK!

  • Stop calling me radio, unit 91!

  • Who wants cream? Anybody? Ok, no cream

  • WAIT, that one is Rabbit’s. (Rabbit replies: Oh look, a bar of soap.) oh shit, I got you good you fucker!

  • I’m all highway!

  • No, its powdered sugar…………….Its delicious!

  • I’m not even going to dignify myself with a response to that.

  • Does that look like spit to you? Ah, fuck it!

  • Can I get a litre o’ cola?

  • Liter is French for give me some fuckin’ cola or I’ll break vous fuckin’ lips!!!!

  • I don’t want a large Farva. I want a goddamn liter o’ cola!

  • [when he pulls the sweepstakes ticket off of his cup and finds a hole] Dammit, you burger punk! You son of a bitch!

  • I just lost a buck…to myself!

  • IT’S DELICOUS

  • What the crap, how come nobody called me?

  • Capt, you know I’m not a pro-union guy.

  • THAT’S MY CAR! THAT’S MY GIRL!

  • Hey there Charlie’s Angel.

  • Hey there, dirty dogs! Did I miss the song? Sing it again, rookie biotch!!

  • Open bar dude!

  • I’ll take six schlitzes…… or whatever’s free.

  • I gotta bust criminals! It’s what I gotta do!

Foster

  • What size cells are these? Eight by eight? Ours are nine by nine… no big deal.

  • You killed my dummy.

  • It might have been my sixth, or even my seventh sense.

  • Because you crapped on my heart!

  • oh,Biker… I’m an idiot. [when Foster realizes that he misunderstood Ursula's disguise suggestion]

Rabbit

  • You are freakin’ out….man.

  • I . . . guess I’ll go take a shower then . . .

  • See if they got any of those chocolate bananas…Foster?

  • [After Thorny says, "You smell somethin', Rabbit?"] *Sniffs* Fear.

  • What, are you gonna light my ass on fire?

  • [After Thorny says, "Why don't you hop up on Uncle Rabbit's lap?"] I don’t think that’s such a good idea

Thorny

  • (slow voice) Mother of God.

  • Who wants a moustache ride?

  • I am all that is MAN!

  • OH, this little guy? I wouldn’t worry about this little guy.

  • It stinks like sex in here

  • Where you boys heading…..Canada Eh….Almost made it

  • What? They can’t lump us in with that fuckin’ Martian.

  • I am all that is man.

Captain O’Hagen

  • I swear to God, I’ll pistol whip the next guy who says “shenanigans”!

  • Sorry about that, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in ‘em, they get all antsy in their pantsy.

  • I’ll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.

  • That’s it, you’re off the road, never again. [Sir, it was not my fault!] And neither was the God-damn school bus! There was a time when we’d take a guy like you out back and beat you with a hose. Now you’ve got your God-damned unions.

  • Drunk enough to kick your ass!

  • [About Farva, realizing he has betrayed O'Hagen and the others] We shoulda took him out back and shot him a long time ago.

  • Of *course* they started the fight! Now they’ve taken a jurisdictional grievance against us! I mean a murder on the highway! And you give them the investigation! Christ! We look like a bunch of pussies!

  • I invented this gag, Rabbit! Only in my day, the rookie got naked! [Fires the pistol he is holding at a State Police cruiser, shattering a window] And we also used blanks…You’re a sick motherfucker, Mack.

Dialogue

:Rabbit: Oh look, a bar of soap.
:Farva: Oh ho ho, Shit I got you good you fucker!
:Mac:(with mocking voice and fake lisp) Awesome prank Farva.
:Foster: Aw, Mac, you fucker!
:Mac: Gree-tings. (Laughs) You guys are too slow.
:Foster: You killed my dummy.
:Thorny: Mac, now I’m going to pay you. But I shouldn’t, ’cause I knew it was you the whole time.
:Mac: Aw, Thorny, don’t lie in front of the rookie. It sets a bad example.
:Thorny: Foster, where are your shoes?
:Foster: What, are you the shoe police now?
:Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar. Lets go.
:Foster: Your black magic only works on the rookie.
:Thorny: That’s brown magic.
:O’Hagen: I just got off the phone with Tom McCardle From the budget committee. This thing with Farva screwed our pooch.
:Thorny: What? They can’t lump us in with that fuckin’ Martian.
:O’Hagen: We’re all in the same boat, fellas.
:Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun.
:Thorny: Yeah, his shenanigans are cruel and tragic.
:Foster: Which wouldn’t make them shenanigans, at all, really.
:Mac: (Irish voice) Evil shenanigans!
:O’Hagen: I swear to God, I’ll pistol whip the next guy that says ‘shenanigans!’
:Mac: Hey Farva, what’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?
:Farva: You mean Shenanigans’s?
:Mac, Foster and Thorny: Oh, no! (Laughing) (Mac hands O’Hagen his gun.)
:Farva: You’re talking about Shenanigans’s, right?
:O’Hagen: Put those away!
:Police Chief Grady: I’m sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.
:Farva: It’s powdered sugar.
:Police Chief Grady: The lice … hate the sugar. So anyway …
:Farva: [Interrupting] It’s delicious.
:Police Chief Grady: Good, good…
:Mac: Come in Radio.
:Farva: Don’t call me Radio, Unit 91.
:Mac: Don’t call me Unit 91, Radio.
:Farva: …Are we done?
:Mac: Yeah okay Radio. We got a suspicious vehicle, White Caprice, Vermont Plates, Tijuana, Gringo, Oner, Fiver, Zero
:Farva: Roger, checking…Unit 91 that license plate belongs to a local Spurburry police vehicle.
:Mac: It does?! OH MY GOD!!!
:Farva: …Very funny 91.
:Thorny: Son do you know why I pulled you over?
:Driver: Uhhh…
:Thorny: Littering. [holds up bag of marijuana]
:Driver: Oh, officer, that’s not ours.
:Kid in back: [deep groan] Candy bars!
:Thorny: Littering and… Littering and… Littering and… [the rest of the car joins in, cauisng the kid in the back to freak out from the echoes] Littering and smoking the reefer. Now to teach you boys a lesson, me and officer Rabbit are going to stand here while you boys smoke the whole bag.
:Kid in Back: Please, no.
:Rabbit: Please, yes.
:German Man: I’m sorry officer for the speeding violation, I’m so used to driving on the autobahn.
:German Woman: Ich finde er sieht wie Shaun Cassidy aus. [I think he looks like Shaun Cassidy.]
:German Man: Ja, das finde ich auch, yummi yummi. [I think so too, yummi yummi.]
:Rabbit: Do you know why I pulled you over?
:German Man: Because we were going way too fast.
:Rabbit: Ja.
:German Man: Ja. Well the thing is I cannot afford to have another ticket on mein Porsche. Is there something I could do for you, or perhaps something my wife could do? Perhaps there is something you would like to do to her?
:German Woman: Is there maybe something you would like me to do to you? Or maybe something you would like to do to me? Hmm?
:German Woman: Maybe some hard spanking und cuffing is in order.
:Passenger: You didn’t eat both those bags did you!
:Kid in back: [mouth full of shrooms] Call Guinness!
:Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.
:Dimpus Burger Guy: [into microphone] Double baco cheeseburger. It’s for a cop.
:Farva: What the hell’s that all about? You gonna spit in it now?
:Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good. [into microphone] Don’t spit in that cop’s burger.
:Farva:’ Yeah, thanks.
:Second Dimpus Guy: Roger, holding the spit.
:Dimpus Burger Guy: Uhh, right. Beverage?
:Farva: Gimme a liter o’ cola
:Dimpus Burger Guy: (into the mic) Liter Cola? Do we sell Liter Cola?
:Thorny: Will you just order a large, Farva.
:Farva: I don’t want a large Farva. I want a goddamn liter o’ cola!
:Dimpus Burger Guy: (to Farva) I don’t know what that is!
:Farva: (enraged and grabbing the Dimpus Burger Guy) Liter is french for give me my fuckin’ cola before I break vous fuckin’ lip!
:Rabbit: Wait, so the local cops are selling Afghany grass to the Canadians? Assholes.
:Thorny: No Rabbit, it’s coming in from Canada.
:Rabbit: Ah! Canadian grass. (nods) Assholes.
:Thorny: The local mothers are running protection for ‘em.
:Rabbit: Oh. I guess I’m the asshole then…

Cat game

[Foster and Mac have pulled a man over for speeding and are deciding what game to play]
:Mac: All right, how about “Cat Game?”
:Foster: Cat Game? What’s the record?
:Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.
:Foster: Ten? Starting right ‘meow?’
[Mac laughs - they walk up to the car, and Foster taps on the driver side]
:Larry Johnson: Sorry about the…
:Foster: All right meow. Hand over your license and registration.
[the man hands him his license]
:Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow.
[Mac ticks off two fingers]
:Larry Johnson: Sorry.
[the man laughs a little]
:Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
:Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
:Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister… Larry Johnson?
[pause]
:Foster: All right meow, where were we?
:Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
:Foster: Am I saying meow?
[Mac puts his hands up for the fourth one, but makes an "eehhh" facial expression, as he is considering the last one]
:Larry Johnson: I thought…
:Foster: Don’t think boy. Meow, do you know how fast you were going?
[man laughs]
:Foster: Meow what is so damn funny?
:Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.
:Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin’ around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?
[Mac is gut-busting laughing]
:Foster: Am I drinking milk from a saucer?
[feigned anger]
:Foster: Do you see me eating mice?
:Foster: [Mac and the man are laughing their heads off now] You stop laughing right meow!
:Larry Johnson: [Stops and swallows hard] Yes sir.
:Foster: Meow, I’m gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. It’s the law.
[rips off the ticket and hands it to the man]
:Foster: Not so funny meow, is it?
:Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow!
:Thorny:[After pulling over high kids] Where you boys heading?
:High Kid: We’re going to Canada for some french fries and gravy.
:Thorny: Canada, eh?…Almost made it.

Taglines

  • Altered State Police

  • It’s their highway. You’re just driving on it.

  • You don’t mess with the law. The law messes with you.

Cast

  • Jay Chandrasekhar as State Trooper Arcot ‘Thorny’ Ramathorn

  • Kevin Heffernan as State Trooper Rodney Farva

  • Steve Lemme as State Trooper MacIntyre ‘Mac’ Womack

  • Paul Soter as State Trooper Jeff Foster

  • Erik Stolhanske as State Trooper Robert ‘Rabbit’ Roto

  • Brian Cox as Captain John O’Hagen

  • Daniel von Bargen as Police Chief Bruce Grady

  • Jim Gaffigan as Larry Johnson

Source: Wikiquote