Smokey and the Bandit quotes
Sheriff Buford T. Justice
- [to his son] There’s no way, no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!
:Bandit: Now, you want me to drive to Texarkana, pick up 400 cases of Coors and come back in 28 hours. No problem.
:Little Enos: It ain’t never been done before, hot shit.
:Bandit: You watch your language, little lady. The problem here, is that Coors beer, you take that east of Texas and that’s uh, that’s bootlegging.
:Little Enos: You know I think you’re just a little bit scared.
:Bandit: That’s real good psychology. Why don’t you say something bad about my mother?
:Little Enos: Yo’ mamma is so ugly…
:Sheriff Justice: Nobody… Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum’s pecker!
:Junior: Except for that…
:Sheriff Justice: [incredulously] Shut yo’ ass…
:[A funeral procession has succeeded in blocking Sheriff Justice's progress, allowing the Bandit to escape]
:Junior: Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn’t he?
:Sheriff Justice: If they’d have cremated the sumbitch, I’d be kickin’ that Mr. Bandit’s ass around the moon by now!
:Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
:Sheriff Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin’ to do with it!
:Junior: Daddy, I think the..
:Sheriff Justice: [cutting him off] Shut up, shut up! One shit at a time!
:[a truck driver has sheered a door off of Sheriff Justice's patrol car]
:Buford T. Justice: I saw that, you sumbitch! You did that on purpose! You’re going away till you’re gray! I got the evidence! [speaks to Junior] Put the evidence in the car.
:Junior: But Daddy…
:Buford T. Justice: Put the evidence in the car! [shouting to trucker again, who is long out of earshot] I’m gonna barbeque yo’ ass in molasses!
:Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer… named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.
:Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower… with a girl… and her mother!
:Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.
:[Bandit and company encounter Sheriff Justice on their way from the fairgrounds]
:Bandit: [through CB radio] Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.
:Sheriff Justice: Who there?
:Bandit: This is “Bandit” Darville talkin’.
:Sheriff Justice: Where are you, you sumbitch?
:Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there’s just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog. I’ve been chased by the best of them, and son, you make ‘em look like they’re all runnin’ in slow motion. I just wanna say that.
:Sheriff Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you’re the goddamnedest pursuee I’ve ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, [shouting angrily] where are you, you sumbitch?!
:Bandit: Well, I’m right down at the bottom of the hill, Sheriff. I’m about six-foot-eight, in a cowboy outfit, got a little pygmy standing right beside me dressed just like me. You can’t miss me. 10-4.
:[Sheriff Justice looks down the hill; Bandit has a change of heart and decides to reveal his true identity]
:Bandit: You know what? Scratch that, Sheriff, I can’t do that to you; you’re too good a man. Look over your left shoulder.
:Sheriff Justice: [looking over his shoulder, wearing a look of shock] Oof!
:Junior: Daddy, my hat blew off.
:Sheriff Justice: I hope your God damn head was in it!
- What we’re dealin with here is a complete lack of respect for the law!
- Time to take to the road, for a quiet little drive in the country…or not.
- Hold up on that carwash there, gentlemen. (to boys stripping Frog’s car)
- Burt Reynolds — Bo “the Bandit” Darville
- Jackie Gleason — Sheriff Buford T. Justice
- Jerry Reed — Cledus “Snowman” Snow
- Sally Field — Carrie
- Paul Williams — Little Enos Burdette
- Pat McCormick — Big Enos Burdette
- Mike Henry — Junior