Directed by Tony Bancroft and Barry Cook. Written by Robert D. San Souci and Rita Hsiao.
The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
- I’m travel-sized for your convenience. If I was my real size, your cow here would die of fright. [Khan snorts angrily at him] Down, Bessie!
- [to Cri-Kee] A loser! How ’bout I pop off one of ya antenna and toss it across the yard! Then who’s the loser? Me or you?
- [to Mulan] Dra-gon! Not lizard. I don’t do that tongue thing. [hisses/does 'that tongue thing']
- [to Mulan] That’s it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! [aside to Cri-Kee] Make a note of this. [back to Mulan] Dishonor on YOU, dishonor on your COW, dis– [Mulan grabs him]
- Okay, this is it. Time to show ‘em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and…strut!
- Now punch him – that’s how men say hello.
- Man, I was this close. This close to impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf in the entourage. Man, all my fine work–pfft!
- [sarcastically] Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover…
- Then let’s go kick some Hunny buns!
- [to Mulan] Wait! You forgot your sword! [to Cri-Kee] My little baby, off to destroy people… [sniffles]
- [about Mulan] My baby’s all grown up and…savin’ China… [to Cri-Kee] You have a tissue?
- Oh, sure. Save the horse!
- Look, you get porridge! And it’s happy to see ya!
- [Mulan fired a rocket (with Mushu on it) at a mountain instead of Shan Yu] You missed! How could you miss? He was three feet in front of you!
- Yeah, yeah. [mocking Mulan] Stand watch, Mushu while I blow our little secret with my stupid girly habits! [scoffs] Hygiene!
- Did you see those Huns? They popped outta the snow! Like daisies!
- Now what? I’m doomed! And all because Miss Man decided to take her little drag show on the road!
- [to Mulan] The truth is we’re both frauds. Your ancestors never sent me, they don’t even like me. You risked your life to help the people you loved. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.
- [Cri-Kee chirps sadly at Mushu] What?! What do you mean you’re not lucky?! You lied to me? [Cri-Kee nods slowly] [looks up at Khan] And what are you?! A sheep?!
- [Shan Yu's falcon, Hayabusha, spots Li Shang and prepares to shriek a warning. A jet of flame engulfs him, leaving him featherless and clucking like a chicken] [to Cri-Kee] Now that’s what I call Mongolian barbeque!
- A life for a life. My debt is repaid.
- [singing] You must be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
- [singing] Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons?
- [shoots an arrow at the top of a tall post and looks at Yao] Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.
- [singing] You’re the saddest bunch I ever met.
- [singing] You’re a spineless, pale, pathetic lot and you haven’t got a clue. Somehow I’ll make a man out of you.
- [To Mulan] You… You fight good.
- [singing] Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym!
- [praying in the ancestors' temple] Honorable ancestors, please help Mulan impress the matchmaker today. [Little Brother runs in, leaves behind a trail of seeds, and is followed by several chickens] Please, PLEASE help her.
- [to Mulan] My, my. What beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look! This one’s late. But I’ll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.
- It is an honor to protect my country and my family.
- The greatest gift and honor is having you for a daughter.
- You are a disgrace! You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor!
- A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.
- No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.
- I’ve heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father’s armour, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, [beginning to shout] deceived your commanding officer, dishonoured the Chinese army, destroyed my palace, and…! [returns to a gentler tone] You have saved us all.
- [to Shang, who has just let Mulan go] The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. [Shang: Sir?] You don’t meet a girl like that every dynasty!
:Fa Li: [looks at Mulan's wrist] Mulan, what’s this?
:Mulan: [snatches wrist away] Um…notes…in case I forget something? [blinks innocently]
:Matchmaker: “Fa Mulan.”
:Matchmaker: [to herself, writing on clipboard] Speaking without permission…
:Grandmother: [whispering to Fa Li] Who spit in her bean curd?
:Mulan: [whispering] Um…Pardon me….
:Matchmaker: And silent! [inhales the teacup]
:Mulan: [begins to climb on table, reaching for the teacup] Could I just….take that back? One moment….
:[They both begin tugging on the teacup, causing it to spill, and Crikee to jump inside the Matchmaker's dress.]
:Matchmaker: Why, you clumsy…!
:[She begins to leap around the room, due to Crikee being in her dress. She knocks over the furnace, accidentally sits on the coals, and begins jumping around even more. Mulan attempts to help by fanning her behind, causing it to burst into flame. The Matchmaker screams and falls on the table, breaking it.]
:Grandmother Fa: [to Fa Li] I think it’s going well. Don’t you?
:Matchmaker: [bursts out of front door, her butt still on fire] Put it out! Put it out! Put it out!!
:Mulan: Father, you can’t go!
:Fa Zhou: Mulan…
:Mulan: Please, sir, my father has already fought bravely, and…
:Chi Fu: Silence! [to Fa Zhou] You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man’s presence.
:Fa Zhou: Mulan, you dishonor me.
:[At the dinner table; Mulan slams down her cup in frustration.]
:Mulan: [to Fa Zhou] You shouldn’t have to go!
:Fa Li: Mulan!
:Mulan: There are plenty of young men to fight for China!
:Fa Zhou: It is an honor to protect my country and my family.
:Mulan: So you’ll die, for honor.
:Fa Zhou: I will die doing what’s right!
:Mulan: But if you…
:Fa Zhou: I know my place! It is time you learn yours.
:[Mulan, offended and shocked, runs out in tears.]
:Fa Li: You must go after her. She could be killed!
:Fa Zhou: If I reveal her, she will be.
:Mushu: I LIIIIIIIIIVE!!! [silence] So tell me what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor! You just say the word, and I’m there!
:Great Ancestor: Mushu…
:Mushu: ‘Cause let me say something: Anybody who’s foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be MINE!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
:Great Ancestor: Mushu! These are the family guardians. They…
:Mushu: …Protect the family.
:Great Ancestor: And you, O demoted one?
:Mushu: I…ring the gong.
:Great Ancestor: That’s right. Now, wake up the ancestors.
:Mushu: One family reunion coming right up. [bangs gong] Okay, people, people, look alive! Let’s go, get up, rise and shine! Y’all way past the beauty-sleep thing, trust me!
:Female Ancestor #1: I knew it! I knew it! That Mulan was a troublemaker from the start!
:Male Ancestor #1: Don’t look at me! She gets it from your side of the family!
:Female Ancestor #2: She’s just trying to help her father–
:Male Ancestor #2: [holding a counter in his hand] But if she’s discovered, Fa Zhou will be forever shamed! Dishonour will come to the family! Traditional values will disintegrate!
:Male Ancestor #3: Not to mention they’ll lose the farm.
:Female Ancestor #1: My children never caused such trouble. They all became acupuncturists!
:Male Ancestor #1: Well, we can’t all be acupuncturists!
:Female Ancestor #3: No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a CROSS-DRESSER!
:[The Ancestors collapse into arguments; the Great Ancestor is exasperated]
:Male Ancestor #4: [above the others] Let a guardian bring her back!
:[The others grab Mushu and hold him up to the statues of various guardians]
:Male Ancestor #1: Yes! Awaken the most cunning!
:Male Ancestor #2: No, the swiftest!
:Female Ancestor #2: No, send the wisest!
:Great Ancestor: SILENCE! [Mushu gets dropped] We shall be sending the most powerful of all.
:Mushu: [climbs onto a stand, grinning] Okay, okay, I get the gist. I’ll go.
:[The Ancestors erupt in laughter]
:Mushu: Oh, y’all don’t think I can’t do it?! Watch this here! [breathes a very small flame] Aha! Jump back! I’m pretty hot, huh? Don’t make me have to singe nobody to prove no point–
:Great Ancestor: You had your chance to protect the Fa family.
:Female Ancestor #3: Your misguidance led Fa Deng to disaster!
:Fa Deng: [holding his severed head] Yeah, thanks a lot.
:Mushu: And your point is?
:Great Ancestor: The point is, we will be sending a real dragon to retrieve Mulan.
:Mushu: Wha-What?! I’m a real dragon!
:Great Ancestor: You are not worthy of this spot! Now awaken the Great Stone Dragon! [thows Mushu outside]
:Mushu: So you’ll get back to me on the job thing? [his gong gets thrown in his face]
:Great Ancestor: Great Stone Dragon, have you awoken yet?
:Mushu: (holding the stone head) Um, yes! Just woke up, and, uh, I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! And I will go forth and fetch Mulan! Did-did I mention I was the Great Stone Dragon?
:”[Shan Yu lets two Chinese soldiers go to deliver a warning]
:Shan Yu: [to a Hun] How many men does it take to deliver a message?
:Hun: [Drawing his bow and taking aim] One!
:Mulan: Who am I fooling? It’s going to take a miracle to get me into the army.
:[Mushu's huge shadow appears on a rock, illuminated by fire]
:Mushu: Did I hear someone ask for a miracle?! Lemme hear you say “ahhh”!
:Mulan: [screams] AAAAAAAAAGH!!
:Mushu: That’s close enough!
:Mulan: A ghost…!
:Mushu: Get ready, Mulan! Your serpentine salvation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors… [Crikee does an imitation of Mushu, and Mushu kicks him down] to guide you through your masquerade! [hands Crikee a leaf to fan the flames] C’mon, you gonna stay, you gonna work with me. [coming back to Mulan] So heed my word, ’cause if the army finds out you’re a girl… the penalty is DEATH!
:Mulan: Who are you?
:Mushu: Who am I? Who am I?! I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, [he appears to her in his true form] the indestructible Mushu! I’m pretty hot, huh?
:[Khan tramples Mushu.]
:Mulan: Uh, my ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?
:Mushu: Hey, dragon. Dragon, not lizard. I don’t do that tongue thing. [hisses/does "that tongue thing"]
:Mushu: Intimidating? Awe-inspiring?
:Mushu: Of course! I’m travel-size for your convenience! If I was my real size, your cow here would die of fright. [Khan tries to bite him] Down, Bessie! [back to Mulan] Hey, my powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armour- [Mulan gasps, covers her chest, and slaps him] All right, that’s it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! [aside to Cri-Kee] Make a note of this. [back to Mulan] Dishonor on YOU, dishonor on your COW, dis–
:[Mulan grabs him]
:Mulan: Stop! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! [sighs] I’m just nervous. I’ve never done this before.
:Mushu: Then you’re gonna have to trust me. And don’t you slap me no more, we clear on that? [Mulan nods] Okey dokey, let’s get this show on the road! [to Cri-kee] Cri-kee, get the bags. [to Khan] Move it, heifer.
:Chien Po: Now, Yao, chant with me. (starts chanting in Chinese)
:Yao: Hamurabi gahmee tofu dada gu… (passes out, then awakens in a few seconds, now a bit relaxed)
:Chien Po: Feel better?
:(Chien Po puts him down)
:Yao: (to Mulan) Ah, you ain’t worth my time, chicken-boy.
:Mushu: (as Mulan starts to walk away) “Chicken-boy”?! Say that to my face, ya limp noodle!!
:(Yao grabs Mulan. She ducks, causing him to accidentally punch Ling three times.)
:Yao: Oh! Sorry, Ling.
:(Shang sees the soldiers fighting)
:(The fighting stops. Yao punches the soldier he’s holding one last time. All of the soldiers get up and point to Mulan.)
:Soldiers: HE STARTED IT!
:Shang: (approaches Mulan) I don’t need anyone causing trouble in my camp.
:Mulan: Sorry. (in manly voice) Uh, I mean, uh, sorry you had to see that, but you know how it is, when you get those manly urges! And you just gotta kill something! Hm… Fix things, cook outdoors–
:Shang: What’s your name?
:Mulan: Uh… I, uh… I…
:Chi Fu: Your commanding officer just asked you a question!
:Mulan: Uh, I’ve got a name. Ha! And it’s a boy’s name, too.
:Mushu: [whispers] Ling. How about Ling?
:Mulan: [to Mushu, quietly and nodding in Ling's direction] His name’s Ling.
:Shang: [hearing her; annoyed] I didn’t ask for his name! I asked for yours!
:Mushu: Try, uh, uh… ah, Chu!
:Mulan: Ah Chu.
:Shang: “Ah Chu”?
:Mushu: Gesundheit! [snickers] I kill myself.
:Mulan: [angrily] Mushu!
:Shang: Then what is it?!
:Mushu: Ping! Ping was my best friend growin’ up.
:Mulan: It’s Ping.
:Mushu: Of course, Ping did steal my gir–
:Mulan: [silencing Mushu] Yes. My name is Ping.
:Shang: Let me see your conscription notice. [reading it] Fa Zhou… the Fa Zhou?
:Chi Fu: I didn’t know Fa Zhou had a son.
:Mulan: Uh, he doesn’t talk about me much. [Attempts to spit, but it ends up dangling from her mouth]
:Chi Fu: [whispering to Shang] I can see why. The boy’s an absolute lunatic!
:Mushu: All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! Time to get up! C’mon up, up, up! [Mulan goes back to sleep. Mushu yanks the blanket off her cot to wake her back up.] Get your clothes on; get ready! I’ve got breakfast for ya… (presents a bowl of porridge, complete with smiley face) Look! You get porridge, and it’s happy to see you!
:(Crikee appears in the middle of the bowl)
:Mushu: [picks Crikee out] Hey, get outta there! You gon’ make people sick!!
:Mulan: Am I late?
:Mushu: No time to talk. Now, remember: it’s your first day of training. Listen to your teacher, and no fighting; play nice with the other kids – unless the other kids want to fight, then you have to kick the other kid’s butt.
:Mulan: [chewing] But I don’t want to kick the other kid’s butt.
:Mushu: Don’t talk with your mouth full. Now let’s see your war face. [Mulan has a blank face] Ooh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C’mon, scare me, girl! [Mulan growls at him] Yeah, that’s my tough-looking warrior! That’s what I’m talkin’ about. Now get out there and make me proud!
:Chi Fu: Order! People, order!
:Soldier #1: I’d like a pan-fried noodle!
:Chien Po: Ooh, ooh. Sweet and pungent shrimp.
:Soldier #2: Moo goo gai pan!
:Chi Fu: That’s not funny.
:Ling: Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Ping. Are ya hungry?
:Yao: Yeah, ’cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich!
:[A shirtless Shang shoots an arrow at the top of a tall post and looks at Yao.]
:Shang: Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.
:Yao: I’ll get that arrow, pretty boy. And I’ll do it with my shirt on!
:Mulan: I never want to see a naked man again.
:[Several naked men suddenly run past.]
:Mushu: Hey, don’t look at me. I ain’t bitin’ no more butts.
:[Chi Fu emerges from the lake with one soggy slipper]
:Chi Fu: Insubordinate ruffians! You men owe me a new pair of slippers! And I do not scream like a girl!
:[He runs into a panda, who eats the slipper.]
:Chi Fu: [like a girl] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
:[Mushu operates a puppet of a soldier atop the panda.]
:Mushu: Urgent news from the General! [Chi Fu inspects the panda] What’s the matter? Never seen a “black-and-white” before?
:Chi Fu: [suspiciously] Who are you?
:Mushu: Excuse me?! I think the question is, who are you? WE’RE IN A WAR, MAN! There’s no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that, snatch it right off of your head! [gives Chi Fu a scroll] But I’m feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you.
:Chi Fu: So it’s true! I knew there was something wrong with you! A woman! Treacherous snake!
:Mulan: My name is Mulan. I did it to save my father.
:Chi Fu: High treason!
:Mulan: I didn’t mean for it to go this far!
:Chi Fu: Ultimate dishonor!
:Mulan: I should never have left home.
:Mushu: Hey, c’mon you did it to save your father. Who knew you’d end up shaming him and disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends…
:Mulan: Okay, any questions?
:Yao: Does this dress make me look fat? [gets slapped] Ow!
:Shan Yu: I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!
:Emperor: No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.
:Shan Yu: [furiously] Then you will kneel in pieces!
:Shan Yu: [to Shang] You.. you took away my victory!
:Mulan: No! I did! [pulls her hair back in a bun so Shan Yu can recognize her]
:Shan Yu: [dumbstruck] The soldier from the mountains…
:[Mulan runs from Shan Yu as Mushu and Cri-kee arrive riding Hayabusha]
:Mushu: So what’s the plan?
:Mushu: [alarmed] You don’t have a plan?!
:Mulan: Hey, I’m making this up as I- [skids to a stop as she sees the fireworks display] go… [Points to the fireworks] Mushu!
:Mushu: Way ahead of ya, sister. Come on, Cri-Kee! [jumps from window onto a black butterfly kite]
:Mushu: [lands on fireworks using the butterfly kite as wings] Citizens, I need firepower.
:Fireworks people: Aargh! Who are you?
:Mushu: [In a gravelly voice, spreading the kite's wings like a bat's] Your worst nightmare…
:Mulan: [Looks hopeful]
:Shang: …You fight good.
:Mulan: [Disappointed] Oh. Thank you.
:Emperor: The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
:Emperor: You don’t meet a girl like that every dynasty!
:Grandmother: [to Fa Li, unimpressed] Great, she brought home a sword. If you ask me, she should have brought home a man.
:Shang: [walks in] Excuse me, does Fa Mulan live here? [Fa Li and Grandmother, stunned, point in Mulan's direction.] Thank you.
:Grandmother: [aside] Ooh, sign me up for the next war!
:Mulan: [to Shang] Would you like to stay for dinner?
:Grandmother: Would you like to stay forever?
:Mushu: Call out for egg rolls!
:Great Ancestor: [rolls his eyes] Guardians…