2003

• Rayne: It has nothing to do with you. It’s me…I don’t like you!

• 02/11/2003

• Mick: The girl by the bar thinks you’re cute.

:John: NO!
:Rayne: Can’t blame her…
:John: You never, ever compliment him. Ever.
:Rayne: I’ve got a Noah Wyle thing going on…
:John: He tends to go on these ego benders.
:Rayne: …and I have been working out…I AM THE POWERFUL OZ!
:John: Every single time.
:

• 03/03/2003

• Rayne: You guys remember when I used to say that if I ever got sent to prison I’d find the biggest, meanest inmate I could and submit myself to him for protection? Meet Wayne.

• 04/04/2003

• Rayne: It started so well, that late winter’s night

:Quite hot she looked, I must say at first sight
:Her shirt she took off, with naught even a care
:And that’s when I saw, this girl was covered with hair
:And so I said unto her, while I do crave some nookie
:I’ll be damned my dear, if I sleep with a wookie.
:

• 05/19/2003

• Rayne: You spoke with your friends, and their words were not kind

:They said that to date me, you’d be out of your mind
:So they warn and complain, and they yell stay away
:For that mr. Rayne Summers, will take no time to stray
:But there’s a secret they’re not telling, in the midst of their lynches
:The Rumors are true, I weigh in at 18 inches.
:

• 06/16/2003

• Rayne: You know how they say that when a woman is pregnant, she’s glowing and beautiful?

:John: Yeah?
:Rayne: They’re just fat.
:John: I’m glad your genetic code will die with you.
:

• 09/01/2003

• Rayne: I want an anime type hairstyle. I think it’d score points with Cyndi’s parents.

• 09/30/2003, Because, What Are Friends For?

2004

• John: I’m in a schoolgirl outfit being ridden by a donkey.

• 01/09/2004, Might Be Worth Something Someday

• Rayne: I’m a bounty hunter.

• 01/26/2004, To Tell the Truth…Sort Of

• Issa: It’s kind of like a ferret makes your decisions for you.

• 01/26/2004, To Tell the Truth…Sort Of

• Rayne: Vodka and CNN: A winning combination.

• 02/02/2004, This Is CNN??

• John: Is “sadlypathetic” a word?

• 02/19/2004, Photographic Memories

• Rayne: Nothing much, was just ravaged from behind by a gay doctor.

• 03/15/2004, See No Evil, Hear No Evil

• Rayne: Since you’ve been dating Beth, you’re a tool. And not even one of those useful ones. You’re like a hammer. A hammer without the hammery part. You’re a stick.

• 04/08/2004, Sticks and Stones

• Rayne: Somewhere out there, there’s a mother balloon mourning the death of her baby.

• 04/17/2004, Damn you Mick Alfa…Damn You to Hell!!

• Rayne: She’s not shy about, so everyone can see

:But what’s really disturing, is that she’s been with 10 times more people than me
:A decision must be made, about just what I should do
:Do I sleep with this girl, or find someone new?
:One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, more,
:Meh, I’m already wasted, might as well sleep with the whore.
:

• 05/07/2004, Better Watch Out Hallmarx

• Psych Ward Woman: Where are you going?

:Rayne: I’m done. You were great.
:Psych Ward Woman: What about me?
:Rayne: What about you?
:Psych Ward Woman: Don’t you even care about my sexual satisfaction?
:Rayne: I’m not going to even dignify that with a response.
:

• 08/31/2004, Who’s the Crazy One Here?

• Rayne: You finish that sentence and after I kill you, I’ll do the 25 years to life with a smile on my face and no regrets.

• 10/01/2004, How Much You Want To Bet She’s Still Talking?

• Rayne: Best friends come and go, but sex…sex is forever.

• 10/06/2004, If You Can’t Shag the One You Love, Shag the One You’re With

2005

• Rayne: Ladies you might think, that men don’t care

:But I can tell with honesty, that we are incredibly aware
:The things that we do, we don’t allways choose
:But that’s the way of the world, always paying our does
:I know it’s not pleasant, but I beg you to follow,
:The simple request, if you give head please swallow.
:

• 03/01/2005

• Mick: His Holiness would like an extra tiny steak with his dinner.

• 04/07/2005, Everything Works So Well On Paper

• Rayne: All I’m saying is that if there is such a thing as “immaculate conception,” then by reasoning, there must be a way to have “immaculate sex.”

• 04/09/2005, Could Always Shoot For Being a Sexton

• John: Naw, I’m done with Lucas. I have no urge to sit through three hours of Anakin turn into Darth Vader because he misses his mommy.

• 05/17/2005, You Deserve What You Accept

• Rayne: My penis is all dressed up with nowhere to go.

• 05/27/2005, Stuff Like “I’m Gonna ‘Do’ You Later”

• Eric: Excuse me, is this the residence of Rayne Summers, ‘no’ M.D.?

• 06/25/2005, The Brothers Grin

• Marcy: Wow. You’re twice the size of Trump.

• 09/07/2005, Quotable Quotes for $100

• John: Are you going to tell her how you recycled the recycling bin because you couldn’t resist the irony?

• 10/06/2005, There’s Somethin’ Rotten Here (Say What?)

• Noel: I’m going to go on the record and say that any substance abuse problem that creates women like that is okay by me.

• 11/19/2005, For Entertainment Purposes Only

• Harry: If you were ever curious about the protection your mattress pad really gives, let me assure you it took three of my homeless friends several minutes of soiling to get through it.

• 12/30/2005, We All Have to Pitch In

2006

• Little Vader: You’re more of a girl than Luke, and he was all like, “No Dad, I don’t want to rule the galaxy like father and son because I’m Yoda’s bitch.” That’s really what he said by the way. In those words.

• 02/04/2006, The Empire Talks Smack

• Rayne: There are thing people are ready for, and some things they are not

:Some things that they plan for, and one I dread a lot
:It is only for pleasure, what comes out of my penis
:I say it is only for pleasure, and not to create a fetus
:I tell you now, that whether you do so for revenge, or even for money
:Poking holes in your friends condoms simply isn’t funny.
:

• 05/03/2006 Like, Yeah, Man

• Rayne: The Cone of Caring, or COC for short, refers to the immediate area of space directly surrounding me. This area is the one and only I concern myself with. Anything outside of it, I don’t care. It’s like it doesn’t exist.

• 06/21/2006, Coc and Bull

• Noel: He would’ve sold his roommate into slavery to do the thing you traded your friend for.

• 06/27/2006, Begin Countdown

• Noel: Hey, can you even drive stick?

:Rayne: Of course. Wait. Was that euphemism for masturbation?
:Noel: No.
:Rayne: Then no, I can’t. Sounds sexual, though.
:Noel: Maybe so, but it’s not.
:Rayne: What about a “donkey punch”? That’s still dirty, right?
:Noel: Yes.
:Rayne: This has been a wonderful learning experience. Thank you.
:Noel: Anytime.
:

• 08/07/2006, Driving Instructor

• Issa: Gross and stupid. You’ve got it all.

• 08/18/2006, POO-BOO-COO-DOO-EEOOO…

• Rayne: I have never, ever been happier to be humped at high velocity by a large man. Well, maybe once, but prison changes a man. You know how it is. Of course you do.

• 09/09/2006, Fighting For Freedom Over Land and Air

• Rayne: You know the expression, “When in doubt, whip it out”?

:Noel: Isn’t that on your answering machine?
:Rayne: Yeah. Anyhow, I’ve been trying to come up the female equivalent of the saying.
:Noel: What’ve you got so far.
:Rayne: “When you’re nervous, show your cervix.”
:Noel: You should keep working on it.
:Rayne: This could be my Mona Lisa.
:

• 09/14/2006, The Voice of a Generation

• Rayne: You know the old expression: “When life gives you a T-Rex, go ninja kick it in the head.”

• 12/08/2006, What Would Yabba Dabba Do?

2007

• Rayne: If there’s one thing I know, it’s everything.

• 04/19/2007, Turpes Puellae ne Adhibete

• Rayne: I’m gonna tell Jesus on you.

• 04/24/2007, Priorities

• Rayne: If this entire office was a ship, and I was a pirate, you’d all be pillaged by now.

• 06/15/2007, An Honorable Man

• Noel: Thank you, Roofie Colada!

• 06/30/2007, Mentos Disability

• John: Did you just use urethra in a sentence?

• 11/29/2007, Urethra Franklin

2008

• Rayne: Webcomics suck.

• 05/08/2008, Present Company Excepted

• Mick: I don’t know if I should rent a porno or get a calculator.

• 05/20/2008, Math is Hard, Like Rayne

• Rayne: You’ll be singing a different tune when you wake up to the sweet smell of turkey jerky.

• 10/25/2008, And That’s Not All It Does!

• Child Rayne: I pledge allegiance to the flag of Narnia, and to the monarchy for which it stands: one kingdom under Aslan, indivisible, with hot chocolate and Turkish Delight for all. May the White Witch tremble in fear of our might!

• 12/14/2008, Beginnings

• Mick: You use two hands to masturbate?

:Rayne: You don’t need to use two hand for making the cobra spit? How else would you cover most of your entire penis?
:

• 12/16/2008, Laughing Outside… Crying Inside

Source: Wikiquote